Let me just start with saying that I am not very social. There. I said it. Does that necessarily mean that I don't like being around people? No... maybe... possibly if that time goes beyond three constant hours. Hey, I never said that I liked people that much. No, I'm much more of a keep to myself kind of person and I do have my good reasons for it. Well, at least they seem like good reasons to me. Because I'm so fond of lists, I guess I'll just list off some of my wonderfully sensible reasons to avoid hanging out with people as much as I should.
1. I don't have to think of things to say. Conversations always seem like so much work to keep going, or at least they are whenever I talk to anyone.
2. I don't have to talk. Now give me a chance to explain. Yes, sometimes it's nice to just speak my mind and just let it all out but it seems that whenever I do people always inflict some pretty harsh judgments. And the obvious reason that I believe silence is a lot more comfortable than continuous speaking and replying and thinking about the other person's answer and question. The one exception to me thinking silence is the best is when I play my music. And usually after that I can't help but sing along.
3. It's too much work to decide what to do next. Don't get me wrong. I like being random and just letting thinking flow to where they may but sometimes I just get so caught up in it that I have a problem and can't stop thinking about what I should do. Should I suggest something else to do? Or rather just keep talking?
4. Then there is always that time when you get sick of hanging out with that person and you don't know how to tell them nicely that you'd like them to leave you alone now.
Another thing that I guess just fuels my horribly unsociable habits is that I've grown up to relatively spontaneous. All of my family has this problem with making plans more than two days ahead of time unless it's a huge idea that needs some time to get figured out.
For example, when deciding whether or not we are going to do something over the weekend my parents wait until Friday night, maybe Friday morning if I'm lucky, to come to the decision that we are driving off somewhere at least three hours away and staying the entire weekend there. Yeah, it's made me annoyed at times, but what am I going to do about it. It's not like I can just say no, like the saying "you don't bit the hand that feeds" and frankly I'm not gonna bite a hand that makes delicious homemade fudge. That's just wrong. So you can see my problem with making plans. Another thing is that I always feel horribly guilty when I have to cancel any promises I made with a friend to go hang out, not like I get much offers anyways. But I still feel horrible.
Along with that, getting all mentally prepared to go out (yes, I have to do that because I'm just that socially challenged) just seems so drawn out and I never enjoy making myself do it. You know how (whether your a guy or girl) that the best part of the evening for girls is getting ready and trying on all outfits and do different hair styles and earrings and countless other things that I wouldn't know. Yeah, that stuff. That's the thing that I dislike the most. Sometimes it's kinda fun to try on random outfits but you would never catch me out in public in it. You see I have this phobia. I haven't figured out a cool name for it yet but basically the jist is that I love my hoodie sweatshirts. You take away those and my t-shirts and I feel extremely deprived and probably will avoid all contact with the outside world. If you see me wear anything other than my basketball shorts, hoodie, t-shirt, or jeans then you are in for a big surprise. Because the only reason I do that is for my piano recitals (which I dread being that I have extreme stage fright) or some presentation that requires I dress nicer. The good thing about this (I know what you are thinking. What could possibly be good about being a complete stale dresser? Well you're in for a surprise, because I've got some pretty amazingly clever reasons for doing this) I'm always comfortable, I don't have to put much effort into my outfits and look because I just do a quick brush through my hair and pin it back with a bobby pin following the slip on of some jeans and a comfy sweatshirt and I'm done, and I can sleep longer in the morning. I'm not insane. Who would lose an entire hour of sleep in the morning just to look pretty for one day. I mean really. That's just crazy. And lastly, since people always see me in something that is so laid back when I actually put just five more minutes of thought (literally) into my outfit and look I get compliments all day. Like, "oh my gosh! you look so pretty today!", or "did you do something different with your hair? I really like it", or "I've never seen you wear that shirt before! It looks so cute on you!", etc... I know what you're thinking. How could I possibly be so self centered. I dress up just to get compliments all day. But that's only when I'm feeling really confident and want people to know it. And sometimes it nice to actually hear somebody notice that I look different of put in a little more flare that day. It warms the heart so to say that realize that people take notice of what I wear. And I get the added advantage of not having to put in that much more effort to impress, so when I want to "blow someone's socks off" I pull out the big guns and wear a dress ;) It's much more impressive that way! Anyways, I hope this helps you guys understand my future posts just to have some background.
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