Deep, Dark Oblivion

Do you have those moments where it's almost like you take a step back from your life and assess your life in the most harsh way possible? Wondering what in the world you are doing and why aren't you doing something you like? Yes? No? Well, I did that today.
For some reason sugar seems to have this hold over my mind. To explain what I mean, I will proceed to tell you about my experience with this today. So, imagine this. I'm sitting in my art class minding my own business when I decided to actually eat my cookie from lunch. Apparently any type of sugar I consume between noon and four in the afternoon just makes me go all wacky as if I had just drank an 18 oz coffee with a double shot. I've never done that before, but I can imagine that it wouldn't go over that well with the people around me.
This situation has occurred a couple times already this year, once actually being attributed to sleep deprivation, and I'm pretty sure that when this does happen I become the most annoying person in the world to the people sitting around me. In the entire class really. But this time, I didn't get the luck to be thrown into a crazy, jumpy mood. Oh no. I was just that blessed to be thrown into this state of complete curiosity and self evaluation. Along with that, of course it just so happened to be that point in the project where I just wanted to smash it and throw it into a nearby garbage...
By the way, I'm trying to sculpt a house cat and it's not working out so well. Anyways, back to the point, I eat my cookie and almost five minutes later I'm overcome with these deep thoughts and can't seem to focus on my project. So I try to fix this, stopping work for a moment to resolve this sudden problem with myself so I can continue peacefully. But this problem was much more than just me being criticizing about my life.
This next part may sound a little weird. Brace yourselves. I was overcome with the urge to ask people questions about themselves. I know! It's totally out of character for me. Usually I don't ask people about things, but for some reason I suddenly felt like I don't know anybody. I don't know why. I just felt like the people that I call my friends, or even best friends, I don't even know anything about.
Anticapting something dreadful, the people by me prepare for "off the wall" me. That part of me consists of me asking questions and making little tiny observations every 10 seconds and that seems to be a wee bit annoying. So naturally, to protect themselves from this they would answer my questions with sarcasm or laugh or make fun of me and for some reason I just keep getting more and more frustrated. I couldn't word anything right, I couldn't speak my thoughts accurately and on top of it all it just so happened that the one time I was actually being sincere in my questions and actions the people around me weren't taking me seriously.
I don't know how often this happens to you guys, but generally I keep to myself. I answer and ask questions to be polite. I hold up a conversation with someone if they seem to want to talk about something on their mind. I only ask the occasional personal question so I can somewhat know someone better, but this feeling of complete need to learn things about the people around me is new. I've never experienced it before and in reality, it sort of freaked me out.
Suddenly I was belting out all these questions, "What do you want to do when you get out of highschool?" or "where would you want to live, ideally?" or "have you ever thought about...?" etc. It just went on and on and the part that was different than usual was that I actually was waiting for the answer. I wanted to know what they had to say about the subject. I guess this just seemed so significant because recently I've felt somewhat disconnected from everybody.
Don't get me wrong. My family, friends, and generally people around me try to get me to talk and I do have interesting conversations with people but I've found that I'm always trying to weasel out of it. I start scooting away, inch by inch to show I have to leave when I really don't have anywhere to go. People say "hi" in passing and sometimes walk beside me, initiating a conversation but I can't seem to do anything beyond the polite necessary replies. Sometimes I get sucked into something and actively participate, but nothing seems... real I guess.
But this afternoon I seemed to have broken the barrier. I finally genuinely want to learn more and talk to someone and it gets completely shut out. Just my luck. So I guess I can try to get that feeling back again, but I can't promise it. I'll try for the sake of you guys. Next time, I'll be back with an update. Until then, I hope you have a good day.