So lately I've been addicted to watching the TV show "How I Met Your Mother". And since my older sister has come to visit for spring break and showed me this, I have been obsessed. Of course when I really needed to I could control the urge to watch episodes rather than do homework, but other than that I've been hooked. And I've actually gone through seven of the seasons in roughly three weeks. Yeah. I know. It's bad, but I guess that with all the homework I've had lately a good laugh in between assignments is comforting. But just now, I have reached the episode that contains one of the biggest romantic gestures that I've seen in a TV show or movie and it got me thinking. Why do I crave this feeling? Surely there is a simple explanation, but because I'm me, I like to analyze things that really don't need to be analyzed.
I have mentioned in previous posts that I am not the most social person, and more recently I made a resolution to work on that part of my life. And I have to say that I have become much more involved in others lives around me and I guess... it is much more fulfilling. For the past three years I have been stuck in a rut. And I could never get out of it. Yes. Sure I seemed like I was not in this state, but now that I look back on it I can see that I always seemed to have a piece of glass between the people around me. By the way, I have no idea why but I always seem to think a lot more at night than I should, just to explain this in depth vent. But anyways, I guess the root of the problem goes back to three years ago. I had never really had the chance to hang out with friends when I was younger. My mom raised me and my sisters by herself so it was hard to organize anything around her work schedule. As a result I only visited with my friends in grade school three times outside of school. And as I got older, I guess it just became a habit of saying, "no that won't work. I'm sure my mom will say no. She has a hard time getting the time off to take me there. I'm sorry. Maybe some other time." And until three years ago that is what I always did. But then, suddenly she said yes and I got to hang out with a friend I'd had for five years, but never actually saw outside of the school setting. And it was great. I loved it. We had lots of fun, but later that year that friend turned out to not be that nice of a friend. I don't even remember what was done (and I feel ashamed to this day and can't apologize enough for some of the things I did) but I decided that they weren't a good influence on me and that they never really seemed like a friend so I "broke up" with them, so to say. I don't know why I did it. I honestly don't. And I don't know if I will ever be more embarrassed at my behavior again. But after that I came out of the dreamy friend state and saw that they really weren't that good for me as a friend. So from then on I guess deep down (even though I haven't noticed it) I've been scared to let someone do that again. And it didn't help to have some other problems heaped onto this, but that is another story. So during this time I am not proud to admit that I became the most shell of a person I have ever been, which isn't saying much because I'm not that old but I'd like to think for now that this is totally relevant. So I became obsessed with avoiding almost all contact with other people and every weekend and school night I would sit up in my room and do homework and then, as a reward, watch a movie. And with the time of two years to do this, I have seen A LOT of movies. And this is how I got exposed to the grand romantic gestures. And I guess by cutting myself off from all friends outside of school and school sports I poured all my emotions into romantic comedies.
Finally this leads to the feeling. I don't know if anyone else feels this but me but I guess I'll never know until I ask at least someone about it. Now, along with movies there were books too and this is similar if not the exact same for them also. During the grand romantic gestures, where the guy makes up with the girl and they kiss and are unbelievably happy, without fail (unless I am distracted) I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach. I get all giddy and can't stop smiling. I even giggle (if I am made fun of for this, I will severely hurt you. You know who I'm talking to.) and for some reason, this simple thing makes all of my loneliness go away and I feel comfort in being alone. So I've always been fond of the grand romantic gesture. So I guess in summary, my favorite part of a story is the grand romantic gesture because I feel unbarred happiness and if someone wanted to make me the most happy person in the world even just the smallest sign of them caring would make me putty in their hands.
Now I would like to share some music from "How I Met Your Mother" just because. Enjoy.
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